Why Can't He Just Be Gay?

Thanks to TiVo, I was able to watch the 40-something 'in love' antics of Tom Cruise on Oprah yesterday. Um...I really don't know what to say. First off, don't get me wrong. I think the guy is hot. I really enjoy his movies and think that he is a superstarra talent straight from Superstarra-ville. But watching the show, I don't know what to say. He was jumping on the furniture. He was Greco-Roman wrestling Oprah. He was acting...hmmm...acting...

In my heart, I'd love to believe that he's gay. So, I like to believe that all of his romances are ploys to appease the 'straight' audience and to break up-and-coming actress's careers [hello, I could use some help over here, Tom!]. So for him to be all 'cozy' with Katie Holmes seems par for the course. She's had critical acclaim for her indie movie, got a big budget movie coming out...she's on course to being a big star. A Tom Cruise seal of approval could open up even more opportunities for her [look at what a Brad seal of approval did for Jennifer]. They've been going out for a month, of course things are all ga-ga...she's incredible, she's magnificent...she's...young. I mean years ago, she said in 17 magazine that she'd want to marry him. Um...can I say in 30-something magazine I want to be Mrs. Brad Pitt or Mrs. Salma Hayek and they'll suddenly be calling me? Oh, if life were only that fair.

I don't want to be a hater [although in most circumstances I have been known to hate both the player and the game], so I wish the couple much love and happiness. I hope that all this intense glare on their month old relationship doesn't grow to Bennifer proportions. I also hope that one of these days, if my spidey scenes are right, that Tom comes out of the closet and becomes the fabulous gay man that I wish he was. We need a good gay male role model!