Wednesday, May 30, 2007

ACTING: No Crafting Content

I haven't had much to report as far as acting goes lately. I did have a commercial/theatrical agent for a few months, but was she dropped me and I was fine with it. Before I start sending out more pictures to agencies, I'm continuing to focus on building my resume and perfecting what I can do. That way, when the opportunity for bigger roles comes along, I will be able to showcase my talents with no doubts or fears.

So, I had this audition for a short film last Saturday morning. I had submitted myself for two of the roles and wasn't sure which one the director would want me for specifically, so I was pretty much open for any and every thing. One of the parts was for a mentally ill woman and the other for her sister who is saddled with taking care of her.

When I got to the audition, I read over the script and it was pretty good. That's always a good sign. They call me in and I read for the mentally ill sister, but not the care-taker sister. I did the best I could, but I had other stuff on my mind and wasn't fully present during the reading. I left the audition thinking that I totally sucked...I knew I could do better. So I blew it off, figuring I'd never hear from them.

You know what happens next.

The producer calls me and offers me the part of the mentally ill sister. Hmmm. Now in creeps my self-doubt. I know my audition sucked. It was a long weekend, maybe there weren't that many auditioners. So maybe even though I sucked, I was what they had to settle for, since they're shooting this weekend. Maybe the person that they really wanted wasn't available. Thoughts and thoughts roll through my head about how I'm not worthy of getting that part.

Isn't that sad?

I'm writing this in an attempt to purge myself of self doubt and am now taking that energy to focus on the character and getting to know her better. I know I can do her justice. I know I'm capable. I'm just wondering how I got here.